No awkward lesbian experiences without me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
