Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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