Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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