I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
