genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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