fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
