sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
