She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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