sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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