Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
