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Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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