I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
