wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
3pm strippers are depressing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
