So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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