yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize