Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
