I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize