I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize