If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
