Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
