on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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