i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
