i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wear drunk well.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
