If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
