ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
