Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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