you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
