I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
