And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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