I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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