I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
