Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
