either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
