Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
