ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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