You just made me feel so damn special
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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