I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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