Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
