So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
