Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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