Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
