Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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