I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did you just see the Batmobile???
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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