TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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