she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
