i don't like sucking hair
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
