i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
