hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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