Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
