finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
