APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
