so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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