If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
