a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
