remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
