i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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