i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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