my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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