i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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