I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
