Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
