I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
