i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
