The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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