But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
