I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize