I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
