Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize