Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
