so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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