how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
