You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
